spring break.

spring break is here and im nostalgic for things that i never had.

you can make an apple pie seem unoriginal.
<3

everything i know

is a lie.

ha, jussst kidding! :) in spanish we're learning past tense verbs. they're re-DONK--q-lus. like ER & IR verbs having -a ending... ftw? ;) and i've had some horrible tension headaches these days. my weekend's looking brighter and brighter though, so "its all good!"

"It was good to be strong enough for everything, even if all you made melted and changed and slipped under your hands, so that by the time you finished you almost forgot what you were working for." - the jilting of granny witherall.

of course, literature. i particularly lovelove this quote. how many times have you caught yourself wondering, "and why am i doing this again?" i know i do it often, especially on things that don't seem worth it and in the end you're glad you didn't give up. or vice versa when you're glad you did. sometimes you have to decipher when to hold on, and also when to let go. i've been learning that more than ever lately. some shit is irreversible and can't be fixed by even the most skilled hands.

that's my piece of philosophy for the day. :) and here's a site you should go see if you haven't already. it is is the most beautiful site ever. and you can find that here.

and remember:
we make our choices, and then our choices make who we are; forever.

trippy, eh?

and it will always be this way.(and other ramblings)

my day was particularly okay, but all days have their ups and downs. i'm not sad, or not happy. i'm content and that's perfectly okay with me. moving right along, the first part of this post derives from the quote, "and it will always be this way." from Ambush which is from a larger work,  The Things They Carried. the quote described how the main character had killed a Viet-Cong soldier. the guy was just walking, probably had a lot on his mind, he didn't even notice the US soldiers lying in the brush. the character, doing what he had to do, had thrown a grenade at him. he tried to run, then he tried covering his head, he never got the chance to because it ultimately killed him. he was feeling sympathy for him, because the guy probably would've walked on by, he didn't really have to kill him, but he did. the soldier will always be dead, and he will always know that the guy could have lived. hence, "and it will always be this way."
think of all the things that will always be. people have tried to change and reform, blahblahblah. it seems like, people only notice if something tragic happens (ex: columbine incident, that plane crash in texas with the IRS).
just a sample list:
there will always be a homosexual community.
there will always be arrogant, hateful dickheads.
there will always be more than one religion.
there will always be hypocrites,
drunks,
potheads,
crack whores,
prostitutes,
and change.
that is one thing, if everything else ceases to exist there will always be change. and trust me, i don't believe in a lot, and i'm not sure of eveythinganything in this world. and if i say that, that's saying a whole hell of a lot. i think that if there were more people like the few that i admire in the world that generally loves everyone as a whole, there might, just might be a different world. but that's a long stretch and probably won't happen in this generation, or the next. i think the more we push for it the more it will possibly be accepted. but as long as certain people listen to everything that their parents(you know which ones im talking about) say, and actually start thinking for themselves it's not gonna happen.

and it will always be that way.

okay, so now i wanna talk about music with you :) everyone loves music, EVERYONE. young old black white, but do you actually look into the meanings of the songs that you listen to? like, seriously. do you? i know i used to not pay attention to the words, i sung them and they made me happy and that was good and fine. but, i got older and learned new things i got more into lyrics to match my mood, not what everyone else was listening to. music is so personal it's ridiculous. one song might make you laugh and it would make me cry. you listen to songs and remember the first time you heard that song, how you learned it, what emotions you were feeling at that time. also one song, might say to me one thing and you get a completely different interpretation from it that i. it just depends on our personalities and how we're feeling at that time. i know i've been into some beatles lately, like it's the shiz.

these lyrics have hit me extremely hard this past week especially:

Try to see it my way,

Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Think of what you're saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it's alright.
Think of what I'm saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.


Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.
Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.


Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.

one last thing i realized today, people don't change. they just spend their lives being someone else, and never being happy, satisfied. they get tired of it and go through all these different stages to find who they really are inside. some people never find it and others, they become clearly: themselves. it's taken me four years, and yet, i'm still searching. but i admit i'm the happiest i've ever been.

everything we had

is no longer there.

so, this is my new blog. :) and out of the billions i have around this web, i might actually commit to this one. AT THE LEAST, once a week. welp, to start it off. i suck at grammar, i'm a pretty good speller but i'm too lazy to spell check and i don't capitalize anything unless it's for emphasis. BUT, moving right along:

this day, has been then most...possibly, eventful day of my life. out of all the shit that i've been through this..almost tops it. i won't go into detail or anything but i came to a lot of realizations today:

• that eye for an eye stuff, really is BULLSHIT. an eye for an eye and the world goes blind.
• what's the point of defending something that's not true? it's like, climbing a tree that's not there. does that make sense? ha, no. you wind up looking psycho aka guilty.
• if it has nothing to do with you, stay out of it.
• nobody likes a whiner.
• even when you think it can't get any worse, it will. it always will, no matter what. but if you try to forget the little things and learn to shrug off the small things, i promise you, you will come out on top.
• you really can't change the world until you change yourself first.
• you can't make something out of nothing, if you had nothing to begin with, you have nothing to end with. what did you guys really gain from all the stuff you started from lies? you lost a couple of friends, but at least you have each other i guess. what happens when you aren't on good terms with each other? i promise you one thing, i won't be there for you. ever again.
• if you and your friends don't have the same values and goals, sometimes, it really just doesn't work out and you have to go your seperate ways.

that was pretty much my day in random thoughts. i just knew today was gonna be a good day, then this happened. PLUS, i'm all moody from my period and shiz.

try pissing off a manic depressive, disassociative disorder-laden chick on her period. ha, doesn't work realy well does it?
(for the record: i do suffer from manic depression and a disassociative disorder: depersonalization disorder and i am on my monthly.)