it's about giving glory to Christ.

before i get into my post real good i want to rant that i hate waking up at 6 am and fightin to get back to sleep because sun is in my face...thank you.

now, i have never really truly believed in God. not like i am now. i started praying a few weeks ago at night then i got to where i would pray when i woke up and then i started during the day mostly just giving thanks to him. but i started having doubts and battles and decided what could hurt by me asking for strength, so i really started to do it daily&reading my Bible once a day( i have scriptures in my notepad on my cell now, :) ). and i noticed a little improvement in how i handled situations. and what a coincidence that my family started having financial troubles&me and my moms relationship kinda went to crap in a hr and i seriously started praying like 5xs a day, not counting before i went to bed and woke up. and i won't be specific, but He has really started blessing me in so many ways, especially today. and i've noticed i'll start thinking and BAM something else happens and i immediately pray and thank him, it's like he's answering me almost immediately. i've kinda sorta changed my life around i'm trying this whole not drinking or getting high but i still do smoke and i pretty much haven't sweared in the past 24hrs and it's getting easier the more i ask for strength. there is no way that i would have been able to deal with this if it wasn't for Him. if you show Him that you're trying and He sees it's honest and true in your heart...He WILL give you what you NEED, it might not be what or when you imagined but He'll definitely give it to you. everything He does has a reason and a season. if you give him a inch, He will give you a mile. i have noticed just by this small change what He has done, i can't even imagine if i COMPLETELY live by His Word. right now i'm trying to compromise with Him and i know you're not supposed to do that lol, but i think He knows eventually i'll come around.

another thing i noticed, the love that i feel in my heart, i was reading somewhere that our love and His love is completely different, you can't unconditionally love someone, if your boy/girlfriend broke up with you and called you the most vile things you can say would you still love them? no, that's conditional. He loves us no matter how many times we swear Him off, or say He isn't real or deny Him He still loves and cares, and watches over us. that's unconditional. and if He can love me after the things that i've done and hid in my heart, and thought...i'm pretty sure i can put a tremendous effort into obeying Him and showing/proving to Him how much i appreciate and love Him. his grace IS truly amazing. and step 1 is with this post. if i could return to Him a fraction of what He has given me in these past few days...i would be set. take this from a seventeen year old, hormonal, excutter, pot smoker, drinker, pill taker. He is the best thing that has happened to me and will be until the day i die. my life is His, and no one elses.(:

btw, i am nowhere near perfect and i try to do what i'm supposed to and live the life that He wants me to but we all fall short. ALL of us. i just thought i should put that there...alright i'm done! :)

have a blessed day.

EDIT: God understands our prayers, even when we can't find the words to say them.---Unknown.

yup: weed, sex, and cigarettes&beer(when handy).
i love my boyfriend, and my life, as strange as it seems.

i just grew up differently than everyone else: but that's okay.

be your own fucking inspiration.<3(:

i ate meat, i can't do it, i obviously don't want to.

life is: passion, cigarettes, beer, weed, being pissed off but kissing him anyway; sleeping in and not giving a fuck, doing whatever makes you happy and not caring about the consequences. wearing things that obviously clash, and loving the stares you get from people who are not happy. don't let anyone bring you down, you are you and don't let anyone change that. i promise you, it's not worth it....it's not.

surrounded by uncertainty that i'm so unsure of.(:

thought i should post SOMETHING so all i gots is:

still meat-free;
chicago tomorrow.(:
suite hotels=fun.
cool, neon yellow/green polish.(:[because my mommy loves meh.]
still very much in love with blake alexander. he got me this thingy that i hang on my rearview mirror; a hand throwin up a peace sign, cause i'm always doin that(: one month was last wednesday. thought it was sweet of him, considerin i didn't get him anythin and it's something that i like, i absolutely ADORE it, it SO fits me.
um...got some cool heels from belk, and my mommy got me some tanks.[again, she loves me.] and i found a pair of shoes i've had since the 8th grade only wore them like twice, they're in great condition and i fell in love with them again.
had a really bad night the other night(long story).
anddd....i'm just bein lazy and enjoyin my summer, still tryin to find myself!

oh ya, and i'm positive engineering is the way to go fer me. now which school? xD i'm thinkin MUW but we'll see, ima deff have to take the ACT again in the fall and make a lil higher cause that 23 ain't gettin it at the moment lolz. i NEED scholarships, anyone wanna donate me some mulah? didn't think so... d:

be your own inspiration.<3

who's gonna change the world for me?